Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Bitch and Moan, Bitch and Moan.........

The Catholics made up this place they called purgatory, a sort of half-way house to hell where sinners who really fucked up but could be judged as salvageable could do their time and perhaps make it into heaven after all. I've forgotten exactly what sins would qualify you for this place, probably something like masturbation in front of a nun or spiking a priest's sacramental wine with LSD or something fun but disrespectful like that. Or maybe a wife who killed her abusive husband.......naw.....Catholics were never THAT charitable. ANYway........have you ever felt you were already doing your time in purgatory? I know that so many totally unfortunate people have already spent time in hell right here on Earth; Africa, the Balkans, Iraq, and other fun vacation destinations, and to think THAT didn't pay their way right into this mythical nirvana the religious types call heaven.....well, that would just suck, on a cosmic scale. Since I don't believe in heaven OR hell, I feel kinda bad there's no payback for these poor souls, but if we are all really lucky and reincarnation happens to be real, THEN perhaps they earn bonus points towards a really nice life next time around. I wouldn't hold my breath, though. The universe doesn't create fairy tales just for our benefit. I'd be surprised if "the" universe even notices us.

Anyway, speaking of purgatory, I think I might be experiencing a mild version of it. Things have really gotten dicey on the financial front here at Pendragon Hold and although I am valiantly rallying the troops and flooding the moat and all that good rot in an effort to confront our demons, so far the demons are advancing steadily and our remaining defenses are weakening fast. I'd call on reinforcements from my allies or institute a draft, but the only citizens living here other than THE Wife and I are three goats, one dog, and two cats, and I don't think they are draft material. I know the cats aren't. Cat's by their very nature don't give a shit.

I wish I could be more specific, but we are already approaching the TMI area of blogging and I do not ever want to be accused of gathering sympathy for my plights when there are people who would die to have my plights. Bob, I hate plights!

So, if you happened to notice (yes, I realize that one must have had to have been motivated to even show up at this blog to ever have noticed) that my posting frequency has become somewhat infrequent, well, now you have some idea why. So if any of you were holding your breath, you can safely let it out. No one is dying of cancer, we haven't lost another animal (so far) OR relative, nor has anything combustible combusted. The hurricane season is taunting us by not having any storms show up when we most expect them, we are not in an earthquake zone, and tornadoes seem not to notice us. We ARE getting alot of rain, but not enough to flood us out, and that's only because we pissed Mother nature off by complaining about the drought we were suffering from. I know damn well that things could be worse; my only worry is that they might.

So, that's my rant. I know, I was supposed to expose the outrageous treachery of Walmart's funding of Red China's takeover of our country with our own money, wondering why republicans are even bothering running for office this time around, and predicting the end of an affordable way to get to work in this country, but believe me, I am fully aware of all these piddling, unimportant things going on all around me, so if you want me to worry about those things right now, send me lots of money to get me out of MY personal purgatory and I'l get right onto it, I promise.

Other than that, I think life is like a box of chocolates.........sweet!

P.S. I haven't had a ciggarette in over two months!

P.S.S. I've gained almost ten pounds.


Buffalo said...

And in the end we are all laying on a slab with our toes pointing one way or another.

Steve said...

In Buffs case painted toenails and strappy sandals